The Last Search
Chapter 1: Her ‘Red’ Dress
She looked at herself in the mirror of her bedroom, extending her lips to the cheeks, trying to make a smile on her face before finally going out, but only to draw back the past she had tried hard to bury down for several months. Finding herself in that red dress, memories of the past came running back to her mind jolting and reminding her of the vulnerable times she went through. Meera tried hard not to ruin her makeup but could not help and started sobbing thinking of her painful past. Tears of pain rolled down her cheeks leaving behind a dark trail.
It was pouring heavily that night. Farhan called up Meera and expressed his desire to meet her at their favorite café. Meera knew about Farhan’s love for the rain and thus readily agreed to meet him at the café although being a little far from her flat. She got excited to meet Farhan in that chilly rainy weather while her mind started making wild imaginations for that night. “Let me warm up the weather a little bit for him.”, a wicked smile flaunted on Meera’s face holding a cherry red dress off her closet.
Carrying herself in that cherry red dress and a smile on her
face, Meera drove off to the café amidst that romantic weather.
--xx--
"Where the fuck are you? I have been waiting for you
for almost an hour. Do you even remember that we are meeting tonight? You
called up to meet me and now you are nowhere to be found.”, shouted Meera on
the phone.
“I am extremely sorry I kept you waiting Meera. I am
standing just outside the café. Can you please come outside?”, replied Farhan.
“It’s pouring heavily you dumbo. We both will get wet.”,
Meera’s anger soothed a little thinking of some surprise from Farhan.
“We won’t. Just come outside na. I am standing beside the
parking lot under a shade.”
Meera grabbed the umbrella and came out. She saw him waiting
for her under that shade. Opening up her umbrella, she moved towards him.
“You could have at least come to pick me up at the doors.”,
Meera said in a soft tone, while waiting for him to recognize and adore the
dress she wore for him.
“Yes, I could have but mere paas umbrella nahi thi na.”
Meera sensed a little nervousness in Farhan’s voice.
“Why are you sounding nervous? Jyada hi hot lag rhi hu kya
mai?”, Meera got close to Farhan holding his arm.
“Meera, I am leaving for States tonight. I want to call off
our relationship before I go.”
Meera was stunned by the turn of events. She stood blank
in front of Farhan, leaving his hand, not knowing what to say.
“I wanted to do this way before but couldn’t find the courage to
face you and break up with you. I hope you understand. I do not see any future
between us.”, Farhan hold Meera by her arms and shooked her a little.
Meera slowly moved away from Farhan, away from that parking shade,
drenching herself in the rain. Farhan tried to pull her in but she kept herself
grounded in that rain, away from Farhan, away from his parting words. Her eyes
wide open, memories of their relationship started flashing in front of her
eyes: Farhan’s proposal, their first kiss, their unlimited vacation trips,
their plans for the future, their promises, their fights, their long walks, and
so on. She wanted to ask many questions to Farhan, wanted to win him back in
her life, but the surprise had shocked her from within, making her numb and disabling
her to fight for the existence of their relationship.
While at a distance, she could see Farhan moving his lips,
maybe trying to explain her about his decision, but the only thing she could
hear was the loud thunder shielding her from all those explanations. She wished Farhan could come and hug her, and say, “It was all joke, my pumpkin.”. But
soon several doubts wrapped her mind with so many unanswered questions - “What
did I do wrong to him?”, “What went wrong between us?”, “Does he love somebody
else?”. She couldn’t believe that their relationship of 7 years was going off
in a flash. Her mind denied accepting the breakup.
It was time for Farhan to go. He came closer to Meera,
hugged her a little, and left saying, “I am sorry Meera.”. She wanted to hold
him back, shower her kisses on him, slap him for breaking up, and hug him
tight, but she saw Farhan in silhouette, fading away at a distance, leaving her
alone drenching in that pouring rain. She wanted to call him back shouting, to scream
and curse him for the act he did to her but the loud rumbling thunder kept her
voice to herself. She finally broke down. Her eyes wet, she started crying, adding
a little by little to that rain, draining her energy and tears. She wanted to
be as loud as that thunder, as vigorous as that rain, and as powerful as that
lightning, amplifying her emotions to reach Farhan. The pain of separation
amplified with the passage of time.
Standing in the open, under the rain, crying her heart out, she couldn't track
herself being amidst a large crowd staring at her. The only thing she could
recall was her boyfriend leaving her there, vulnerable and broken. She could barely
hear her name being shouted from a distance. She sensed a human touch to her
shoulder. “What the fuck Meera! What are you up to?”, a familiar face shouted at
her.
~~~
"Hey Fucker, Stop thinking about him. Stop thinking about your past and for God's sake, stop ruining your life. Tonight is the night. Go ahead and take back your life, you asshole.", shouted her inner voice that brought her back to her bedroom.
"Right, I should take back my life, I should find my happiness, and I should fucking fuck all men."
With fresh energy, she lifted up her face and confidently looked back at herself in the mirror, "Shit!!", exclaimed Meera.
--xx--
"Meeraa"
"Meeraaaa"
"Let's go yaar!", yelled Myra irritatingly who had been waiting for
two hours for her.
Meera had finally agreed to go on a 'blind' date after being coaxed on several
occasions by Myra. Myra, her close friend, could not see her depressed all the
time since her breakup. She could not imagine the girl so lively and fun-loving going into oblivion and in the arms of gloominess. She wanted her to
move on and find a new partner. "Duh... seven billion people yaar",
Myra always kept reminding of this to Meera in her own way to console her and
light a spark for a new chapter in Meera's life.
"Just two minutes, bobo.", said Meera in a soft bubbly tone removing
the dark trails on her cheeks with a tissue paper. The black trails of her
tears mixed with her mascara had totally ruined the makeup she did for tonight.
Her face had turned red and her eyes had gone sore with all that sobbing she did.
"I am not going to cry anymore over my past. That's done, that’s past, and
that's enough."
She quickly started to give a retouch to her makeup and make things right on
her gloomy face and turn it into a bright and beautiful one, the way she always
looked earlier. Meera did not want to leave any stone unturned and wanted to dress
up hot to please her date tonight. A cheeky smile ran through her face thinking
of ‘what's going to happen tonight’.
"I know they would, hahahah", joined Meera.
"Let's go now before I change my mind and take you into my arms. We are already late by an hour.", winked Myra.
"Bas kar ab, you are not a lesbian, are you?", doubted Meera before bursting into laughter.
“Who wouldn’t want to be one looking at you?”, Myra quickly
grabbed Meera wrapping her arm by her waist, and gave a kiss to her right cheek.
Myra’s action was so sudden that it left Meera surprised,
widening her eyes, she gently pushed Myra off her. “Kutiyaaa”, said Meera
blushingly.
The Uber driver dropped the two at the destination, just a
little ahead of the Carbon Square that boasted of several premium resto-bars
and nightclubs of the city. “Madam ji, 5 star rating de dena.”, requested the
driver.
“Haan bhaiya bilkul, aur aap apni shaadi me hame jarur
invite karna.”, said Meera before being dragged off by Myra.
“Pehle khud ki shaadi fix kar le phir doosro ki shaadi me
jaana.”, taunted Myra.
“Arre chill bobo. He seemed like a nice person. Kitne acche
se hamse baat kar rha tha.”, keeping her arm to Myra’s shoulder, said Meera.
“Haan Haan, sab karte hai na? Don’t make me remind to you of
what happened the last time.”, said Myra, rolling up her eyes. “Yes, we are at
the destination. It is ‘Drunkard Business’, right?”, she talked someone on the
phone. “Chal ab, blind date tera wait kar rha hai.”
Meera silently followed Myra inside the gates of ‘Drunkard Business’.
Chapter 2: Her 'failed' fantasies
She found herself alone with a man, wearing a black shirt, in a room who was smiling and walking towards her. He came closer and held her by the waist pushing her against the wall, caressing her 'rosy' face, and putting the fallen hair strands on her face behind her ears, he leaned on and gently kissed the side of her neck. A shiver ran through the body of Meera, feeling the warm breath and wet touch of his lips on her skin. His sweet 'manhood' aroma surrounded her wrapping Meera in his arms. She felt his fingers run through the back of her head, tilting her face and bringing her lips closer to his. Meera was in the moment, feeling submissive, eyes closed, she was ready to kiss his lips.And they kissed.
Putting her arms behind his back, Meera grabbed the man pulling him closer to her chest she kept on kissing him exchanging the energies with him. She briefly opened her eyes only to see his closed eyes that were engrained in the ongoing excitement. She excitingly scratched her nails to his back making his actions wilder on her. Following that, he bite her lips and sucked them passionately, just the way Meera wanted.
She wanted to push the man onto the wall, as he did to her, tear apart his shirt and shower her kisses onto his toned body. She wanted to do all sorts of things that she had imagined doing on so many occasions for so many months, but she was enjoying the attention she was getting, and also she had to control.
"8340478353, here is my number. Feel free to connect with me whenever you feel like it. I would definitely be waiting for your call.", said the man, in a heavy baritone, in her dream.
Meera hurriedly jotted down his number, half asleep, thinking of calling on to this number when she wakes up in the morning. "What would my ex think about me?", a thought ran through her mind. "Is the man in this dream my ex?" Keeping the smartphone, and her thoughts, beside her pillow, she smilingly went back to her dream and to the moment she craved for almost six months.
As she was about to get into his arms in her dream, her phone ringed. "Arrgh.." She cut the call and tried again to get back to her dream to feel his warmth. She tried to remember his face but the only thing she could remember was the warmth of his lips on hers.
It ringed again.
"Kya hai yaar, chain se sone bhi nahi deti tu meko.", shouted Meera on the phone.
"Chain se sona hai toh jagiye mohtarma. Waise bhi kal raat ko kaafi thakan ho gyi hogi, hai na?", Myra started to pull Meera's leg.
"It's Sunday, it’s 8 AM, and it's definitely not funny, kutiya. Subah subah mai hi mili hu teko pareshan karne k liye?"
"Tum kya jaano subah subah uthne ka dard Ramesh babu... ugghh Meera behn."
"Kaun bolta hai phir subah jagne ko. Nahi jaana hai mujhe koi dard, sone de mujhe."
"Aise kaise meri chammak challo, kal raat ki poori story jaanani hai mujhe. Tell me everything. Tell me everything about your date last night. Did he kiss you?"
"What date!? What kiss!? Do you even call that thing a date? If yes, then yesterday, I had the worst date of my life. I wonder why I even believed in you in going to that place and meeting that guy. It would have been better if I stayed in my room. And who the fuck kisses a random guy on a first date?"
"I the fuck had kissed a random guy on a first date.", thought Myra. "But by the way, what happened yesterday night?"
"Pooch mat yaar, the guy was a jerk. He started to ask are you a virgin and things about getting married. I was like, “Calm down my Babu Sona, I came here for a date not to fix my marriage and all."
"Hahaha, then I guess it’s your bad luck. At least you had a chance to make an addition to your list of assholes."
"Whatever, and that fucker asked me if I know how to cook. I mean if she wanted a cook he should have contacted you, why bother me instead."
"Haan…Wait..what.. Do I look like a cook to you? I mean why the fuck should he be choosing me just because I am a better cook than you and what's all that have to do with your date anyway?"
"Exactly my point, my bobo."
"Chal koi na.. next time mai choose karti hu teri date."
"Tu toh rehne hi de... pta chala kisi buddhe k sath bhej diya meko."
"kash mai aisa kar paati, hahaha."
"kutiyaaa"
Chapter 3: Her 'hopeless' Last Search
The following week went tiring for Meera at work. She had to close four sales deals and make several pitch presentations to corporates across several cities. Sometimes Meera thought that she had unnecessarily taken the heavy workload on herself, but then she had to. She wanted to make herself occupied with her work so that she had peace of mind that was ruined following her breakup.Meera was enjoying the work, the involved traveling to different cities, and the growth in her career and subsequently in her personality. Her boss had always believed in Meera, in her expertise in cracking the high-value deals, and had always extended his support to her in professional areas. “Thoda sambhal k rehne apne boss se.”, Meera was kept reminded of this from her office colleagues following a sexual harassment case that involved her current boss. “He seems so nice to me.”, a thought always ran through her whenever her colleagues talked about her boss’s involvement in that case. She remembered one time when her boss extended two high-value projects to her and recommended her name for the prestigious “Young Leaders Award”. Although she couldn’t able to find her way to the last round, she always thanked her boss for the given opportunity and for extending his belief in her.
With increased energy and passion, Meera had continued
working on her projects ever since. However, the passing week’s work was
particularly the most tiring week she had in months that had consumed all her
energy. She instantly crashed on her bed, on Friday night, after wrapping her
work and delegating the tasks for the next week to her subordinates. This
weekend she had decided to chill at her flat engrossing in solitude and
thinking about her future plans. She hit her favorite playlist and Atif came with
his soothing voice on Alexa. His distinctive voice took Meera deep in her
thoughts, lying on the bed, she went back in her past, to her college days. She
started remembering the mischiefs she did along with Aman, the promises she
made to her first love Farhan, and the fight she had with Myra. Her thoughts
traveled across multiple timelines of her life and dugged up several buried
memories, giving her a glimpse of all the good and the bad moments of her crazy life.
The song had just ended on Alexa, filling the room with deep
silence. Meera was still in her thoughts, enjoying her time travel. She giggled
a little thinking of Aman and his lame jokes.
“Bheenge hoth tere…Pyaasa dil meera….”, she came out of her
thoughts when Alexa played the next song of her playlist. Meera suddenly
remembered about her dream the other day. “That dream felt so real. He kissed
me so passionately. I could still remember his taste. I loved the way he held
me in his arms and grabbed my waist….aaah that feeling. I wish I could somehow
recreate that dream again.”
She swiftly sat upright on her bed and started looking for
something all over her bedroom.
"Aah...there you are!", Meera felt happy holding that notebook in her
hand. She quickly turned its pages and finally, her eyes caught the phone number
she wrote in her dream.
"Should I be making a call to this number?"
"Yes dumbo, you definitely should. Should he be calling you instead? I
guess that's not possible. So just dial his number.", her inner evil came
up again.
"What if.."
"Fuck the 'What if'... just take your phone and dial the number."
“Let me first check if the number exists on WhatsApp.”
Meera's heart raced when she saw that the number was available
on WhatsApp.
“WhatsApp is for losers, you dumbass. He said you to call
him not to ‘onki-ponki’ on WhatsApp.”
“Wouldn’t that be intrusive?”
“Intrusive, my ass. You are into sales Meera Ma’am. Just
dial the number. Consider this to be one of your high-value deals.”
“I don’t know anything about him. I don’t even know if there
is a man on the other side.”
“So dial the number and let’s find out.”
Meera felt nervous when her shivering hands dialed the number: 8340478353. She wished Myra to be with her right now. "It would have been much easier if Myra were there with me right now."
It ringed thrice before a heavy voice answered the call Meera did to finally
find out the man of her dreams and more specifically to find out if at all the
number, she got into her dream, exists in reality.
"Hello! Who is this?"
Meera was stunned as she couldn't believe her ears when she heard him. It was
the same voice she heard in her dream that night. Her heartbeat raced non-stop.
"Am I still living in my dream? Is he the one I am looking for so long? Is
he the man of my dreams?"
'oouch!!', she pinched herself to make herself believe that she was not dreaming
again and the man was actually in her reality, albeit on the other side of the
phone.
"Hello, anyone there?", asked the man twice.
Meera was shivering, unable to answer the question. Several thoughts were
running into her mind. "Am I craving for the lost love?", "Would
this be a signal from my destiny?", "What if he thinks of me as a crazy
woman?"
She hung up the phone.
"Shit, Shit, Shit, WTF you have done. You should have answered him, talked
to him, asked him if he came into your dream. Why are you behaving like a
teenager? Meera, you are a grown-ass young independent woman. Don't you be
afraid. You can do this. You can talk to him.", the inner evil shooked
Meera.
"That would be dumb to ask him if he came into my dream.", answered
Meera to her inner voice.
She dialed the number again. "'Hi'...no let me start with 'Hello'. No, it’s
all boring.. what if I ask "Am I talking to Farhan?", Why am I still
thinking about my ex's name? "Am I talking to Varun?" yeah this is
better."
"Hello! Who is this?", said the man on the other side of the phone.
--xx--
Until the next time...
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